My Brother's Keeper Page 2

  Nadine just couldn't wrap her brain around that. Simon had been different since he started talking, which was about two years late. After her husband died, that event alone pushed her to the brink of suicide. Some say she hasn't fully recovered, but she felt like she had. Except those boys. After years of dealing with Bobby and his violent outbursts, here comes Simon. While Bobby was a big headache some of the time, Simon was a normal headache all of the time, every day, no breaks, and no reprieve.

  Her husband decided it was too much to take. He felt his seed was corrupt to have two such difficult, if not impossible children. The night he took his life, Simon had just thrown a fit that lasted almost four hours. Her husband had just been put on final notice at his job for falling asleep at work. It was impossible to get a decent night's sleep with Simon. He'd wake up hungry, tired, confused, anything and scream. The boy was inconsolable.

  Some thought her husband had gone crazy from a lack of sleep, and shot himself. Nadine figured that as a possibility, not that it mattered. He was gone, and it was still due of the two little monsters she'd birthed. Nadine tried to love them; even she wanted to love them, but how could she love the two people who cause her so much misery? The two people who took away the one solid good thing in her life, the man she loved.

  She opened her eyes as she stood outside the door, opening it slowly as she walked in. Bobby was sitting on the couch; Simon's face was in his lap screaming as he kicked the couch repeatedly.

  "What's his problem now?" Nadine asked.

  "Hi, mom. Good to see you too."

  "Hi. Now, what's going on?"

  "We got home a little late, and we missed Power Rangers."

  "That's it? Jesus. How long ago was that?"

  "It came on at four," Bobby said.

  "It's almost six. Two hours he's been like this?"

  After waiting tables for ten hours, she didn't think being able to come home to some peace and quiet was too much to ask. She wasn't sure what she'd done to piss off the universe, but it was determined to stick the knife in, twist and break it off with no mercy. Tonight would be another night of crazy.

  "Yeah, you know how he gets."

  "Why were you late? You've never let him miss that show?"

  "I got held up; I had to finish some assignment."

  Simon looked up, and she saw the bruises and scratches on his face. Her first thought was, almost, joy. Someone had done to him what she'd wanted to do for years. She pushed the thought aside and went into mother mode.

  "What the hell happened to his face? Oh my god!" she ran over and bent down to look at Simon. Simon looked away from her and buried his face back in Bobby's lap. She pulled on his arm trying to get a closer look at his injuries.

  "Simon, let me see," she said, tugging on his arm. He pulled away and wrapped his arms around Bobby.

  "No!"

  "Simon, let me see!" she shouted, pulling harder. She was absolutely not in the mood for this shit.

  "Noooooooooooooooo!" he screamed, going on for almost a minute. Nadine was sure she felt her ears pop. She stood and jumped back.

  "Mom! He's just scratched up. Some bigger kids jumped him before I got there. His teacher wouldn't let him wait and made him walk without me. I caught up with him, but these older kids were shoving him around," Bobby said.

  "What kids? Which teacher?"

  "Don't worry. I took care of them. The boys anyway."

  "What do you mean took care of them? Wait, I don't want to know."

  The screams began to settle down as Simon stopped kicking.

  "You know Bobby, you think you have it so hard! I give you one job, and one job only! I don't make you do a bunch of chores; I do everything around here. All I ask is that you look after your brother. Is that so hard? When it's time to get him from school, you get your ass to his school and get him before this shit happens. You see his face? That is what he has to look forward to for the rest of his life!"

  She had to stop before she said something even worse. Taking a deep breath, she put her hands on her head and walked in circles. After a moment, she was able to calm herself.

  "Ok. I'm going to run out to get us burgers for dinner. I'll be back in twenty or thirty minutes. You think you can handled him for that much longer?"

  "Yeah, we'll be fine."

  "You sure? You already messed up once today."

  "Yes! I said we'll be fine!" Bobby yelled.

  "Ok, just hang tight."

  Nadine walked back out to the car and started the engine. She fought back tears as she pulled out of the driveway. At thirty-five, this is not where she wanted to be in life. Not even close. The tears came anyway as she sped down the road, thinking of the look on Simon's face and his screams. They were so shrill and long! Many times, she had wanted to punt him across the room. She wished she would have been there to see him getting hit. It would have felt so good to witness.

  Wiping a tear away, she thought back to her days when she first met her husband. They were both in college and had their whole lives ahead of them. When she got pregnant with Bobby, they decided to drop out and get married. They loved each other and thought this was what they wanted. That couldn't be farther from the truth now. More thoughts of the past spun through her mind as she sped past the burger place. A few blocks later, she turned into the tavern and grabbed her purse. She just needed one drink to take the edge off and then she'll be fine.

  Chapter 5

  Bobby sat in the living room watching TV. Simon had finally fallen asleep. His crying went on for a while after their mom left. He got angry she had gone, and when she didn't come back, that led to another fit. Bobby wondered if she was really going to get burgers. That had been hours ago; he figured she went to the bar. She'd pulled this before, but it has been almost a year since. Simon was hungry and began hitting.

  Bobby had to make him some toast while dodging his brother's blows. At first, Simon didn't want toast and flung the plate and bread across the kitchen. The next time he made it, but he put a smiley face on each slice with whipped cream; Simon loved when he would do that. He named his bread Mr. Smiley and ate the crust until he smudged the whipped cream. That was almost a fit until he screamed. This time, Bobby shoved the bread into his mouth. Once Simon tasted the whipped cream, he wanted more; so he made him a couple more slices.

  From there he went and got his stuffed penguin named Mr. Tickles and sat on the couch with Bobby watching cartoons all evening. One was a DVD with a talking rabbit and other woodland creatures. Simon treasured that movie. He loved it so much, and they had to watch it three times in a row before Simon fell asleep. Bobby carried him upstairs hoping he'd sleep all night for a change. See, every evening with Simon was like this. Dinner was always a workout and then it was his shows or movies all evening long, over and over; it was the only thing that kept him calm most nights.

  Bobby was sure it was not just the autism, but also the way their mom treated him. Simon was a simple little boy who just wanted to feel loved. Bobby couldn't love him the way their mom could, but refused to do. By the time Simon was in bed, Bobby was exhausted. Within minutes on the couch, he had drifted off to sleep.

  Bobby was so sound asleep that he didn't hear Simon walked down the stairs and up to the couch.

  "Bobby?" Simon said. "Bobby? Bobby? Can you make me some cookies? I want some cookies." Simon shook Bobby, but his brother was out cold. "It's ok Bobby. I'll make cookies for both of us."

  Simon wandered into the kitchen pulled the chair to the counter where he flipped on the light. He climbed onto the counter and started digging through the cupboards. He pulled out a big bowl and put it on the counter. Moving to the refrigerator, he tried to remember what to use. He'd watched his grandma bake them cookies a few times before she died last year.

  He looked around and grabbed the carton of eggs, carton of milk, and some butter. He pulled the flour out, but it was too heavy and broke open along the corner of the counter. White powder ran out onto the floor as he picked up th
e bag and poured the rest into the bowl. He took the eggs and began breaking them open into the bowl while tossing the shells onto the floor. He poured the milk and butter in and began mashing it up with his hands. Simon giggled as he mashed the mixture up, not caring if he got his Green Power Ranger jammies dirty.

  He lifted the ball of powdery dough and dropped it into the bowl, squealing as he did so. Just behind the toaster was the mixer, his grandma had used that to mix it the stuff up. He grabbed the mixer and plugged it in, pushing the button. He squealed again at the wonderful sound it made as the two funny attachments spun around so close to each other. He pushed the button again and jammed it into the dough. Powdered goop slung everywhere, hitting the cupboards, walls, even Simon's face and cheeks as he giggled watching the mixture spin around and round.

  After a few minutes, he jumped down and found the baking sheet. He opened the refrigerator again thinking he forgot something, and there he saw the can of whipped cream in the door. He grabbed it and pushed on the nozzle as the cream sprayed in all directions. He remembered how good it tasted at dinner. He held it to his open mouth and swirled the can nozzle. He laughed as his mouth filled with sweet, creamy foam. Once he swallowed it, he sprayed some more before walking back to his bowl.

  He sprayed a bunch of the whipped cream into the bowl. Picking up the mixer again, he sloshed it all around some more, laughing as chunks of batter flew everywhere. Looking at his hands and jammies, he chuckled since they were covered in flour.

  "Ooh! I'm a ghost! The green ranger has returned from the dead to destroy his enemies!" he giggled as he grabbed the flour bag and dumped the rest over himself. He walked into the living room, to the closet door and looked at himself in the mirror. He smiled and made faces at the ghostly reflection. Going back to the kitchen and forgetting about the cookies, he took another blast of the whipped cream as he began running around the room, spraying whipped cream all over.

  He loved the way it shot out in a long white ribbon. Skipping and hopping around, he did some of his Karate kicks and moves before the door swung open. His mom was home. As soon as he saw the look on his face, he felt a scream welling up inside. She looked angrier than he'd ever seen her before.

  "What are you doing?" she screamed. "Look at this mess! What is going on?"

  Simon hung his head and ran his toe through the flour on the floor.

  "I was making you cookies mama."

  "Cookies! It's after midnight? Why aren't you in bed?"

  "I couldn't sleep, and Bobby is sleeping, and I wanted some cookies. So I wanted to be a big boy and make them myself."

  "I can't take this! Look at you! You're filthy! You look disgusting. Come here!"

  She reached for him, but he ran toward the corner and slid under the kitchen table. She bent down to grab him, but he curled up into a ball, pressing his knees to his chest.

  "No mommy! Don't hurt me mommy! I just wanted to make you some cookies!"

  "Shut up and come here!"

  "Mom!"

  She managed to get his leg, and he tried to kick, but her grip was too strong. She dragged him out from under the table and pulled him to his feet. Picking him up to carry him up the stairs, he wouldn't stop squirming and began flailing. Instead of screaming, he was now letting out a series of angry grunts trying to fight her.

  She sat him down and grabbed him by the hair, picking up until he had to walk on his toes. That got a scream from him. He shrieked and flailed as she dragged him up the stairs by his hair.

  "Bobby! Help! Bobby! Help me! Mommy's gonna kill me! Help!" His screams got more shrill as they went along. His mom had never grabbed his hair like this and never lashed out this rashly. She usually just ran off or went to another room. Simon thought for sure she would kill him. If only Bobby would wake up. Bobby would save him.

  "Shut up!" his mom yelled. "Bobby is asleep. He doesn't care about you! He doesn't care about anyone. He only pretends to so he can piss me off."

  "That's not true! Bobby loves me! He protects me!"

  "No, he doesn't," his mom said. "No one loves you! You got it! You don't listen, you do nothing but scream, and you destroyed everything that was good about this family! All you do is destroy!"

  She got him to the upstairs bathroom and turned on the bathwater as she began pulling his clothes off.

  "Ow, mommy! That hurts!" he screamed as she ripped his shirt over his head and threw it to the floor. She yanked his pants down and picked him up, placing him in the bath. He let out another scream, trying to stand up, but the water was ice-cold

  "Sit down! You want to be up all night tearing things up? We're just getting started kid!"

  Chapter 6

  Nadine had only had a few drinks at the bar. She really had intended on just having one, before getting fast food. Before she knew it, she'd been there for hours. Men were talking to her, flirting with her. She hadn't felt even remotely desirable to anyone in years. The fact that these men, many her age or younger were buying her drinks boosted her ego to no end.

  She'd wanted to stay all night, but knew she had to get back sometime. Finally, she pulled herself away and headed home, though she did give one guy her phone number. She doubted he'd call, but it was a nice thought. She couldn't' remember the last time a guy had asked for her number. Overall, it had been a great night compared to what she thought it would be.

  Then she walked in on Simon in the kitchen. He looked so happy and gleeful. The little shit had just trashed the kitchen, yet he pranced around as if he didn't have a care in the world. Must be nice to live in the world he lives in. He doesn't have to worry about anything, ever. He just goes about his day making her life hell. If he doesn't get something he wants, he just screams and has fits. No, it needed to end.

  Nadine had been on anti-depressants after her husband died, but she'd stopped taking them. They only made her tired. Simon kept her up most nights as it was. The last thing she needed was drugs making it even harder to function.

  "Mommy! It's cold! It's too cold!" Simon screamed from the bathtub. She'd purposely filled it with cold water. It was time for her to start showing Simon there will be real consequences for his behavior. Autism or not, many times she wondered if there even were such a thing or if it was just an excuse for him to act like a little brat. The screaming was the worst. He was always screaming. Each time it felt like having ice picks thrust into her ears. There were times she'd thought of doing it for real so that she wouldn't have to hear him anymore.

  "Shut up! Stop screaming or I'll make it worse!"

  "Mommy! Let me out! It's too cold!" he began pounding his hands into the water, splashing it on her. He let out another scream as she grabbed him by the hair and shoved his face under water. He kicked and flailed as she held his head under for several seconds and then pulled him out.

  "Mommy!" He shrieked and she dunked his head again. When she lifted him out, his screaming was a continual shriek. After the fourth time, she screamed back.

  "This won't stop until you shut up! Understand! Stop screaming or you'll stay under!" She did it one more time and pulled him back up. This time he stopped screaming and looked at her panting. The fear in his eyes made her feel good at first, almost powerful. Then she felt sad. What kind of mother does this to her son? This couldn't be her son, though. How could someone, more like something, so horrible come out of her womb?

  "Mommy, please?" he whimpered this time.

  "Listen to me. You stop the screaming, stop with the tantrums and stop hitting people. I'm warning you. I've had it!" she said while pointing her finger in Simon's face. "You know what will happen if you keep this up?"

  Simon shook his head.

  "We'll take baths like this every single night, and I'll kill Bobby, I'll shoot him in his sleep. I know how much you love your brother. Even though he hates you, just like everyone hates you. Once he's dead, no one will protect you. You get it? No one. It will just be me."

  "Mommy, please don't hurt Bobby, please? No!"

 
"Then you shut your mouth and take your bath and start behaving."

  She reached under the sink and grabbed a scrub brush. As she poured body wash on Simon's body, she scrubbed his skin with the thick brush.

  "That hurts! Mommy! That hurts!" he screamed.

  "What did I say about screaming? Shut up!" she said as she kept scrubbing. His skin turned a couple shades of pink as the coarse bristles scraped against his skin. After a few minutes of that, she tossed the brush aside and pulled him out of the tub and wrapped him in a towel, drying him off. He continued to cry throughout, trying to muffle his sobs so they wouldn't turn into screams.

  Part of her felt like she shouldn't be doing this after having been drinking, but she didn't feel that drunk either. If anything, the booze just gave her the nerve to do what she'd been wanting to do for a long time. She walked him back to his room and dug out a clean set of jammies. As she was putting them on him, Simon began to struggle.

  "Mommy! These aren't my green ranger ones!" he said.

  "I know, you got those dirty destroying the kitchen. So put these on and go to bed."

  "No! I need my green ranger jammies. I need my green ranger ones!" he started screaming as if he'd forgotten everything she just told him. Before he could go full tantrum, she backhanded him across the side of his face. He fell to the ground, looking up at her stunned and crawled across the floor and under the bed.

  She ran over and reached under the bed trying to reach him, but he was huddled up in the corner in the fetal position. His eyes were wide as he panted loud and rapidly. Nadine continued trying to grab at him, but he was out of her reach. She could have moved the bed, but she was getting tired at this point. Finally, she just pounded her first onto the floor.